Let Me Let Go
by xGlowingAngelx
Summary: OneShot. Craig has regrets about not telling JP how he really feels....


**A/N:** _OK. So this is basically just a random idea I had. It's nothing all that special. I just needed a break from writing Sticks and Stones so I figured a one-shot was in order. Naturally, it's JP and Craig. With that Spike dude thrown in, just for good measures..._

Yet another boring Friday. Rolling onto his side, Craig Dean punched his fist against the alarm clock, beeping furiously on his bedside table. Satisfied that it had stopped, he flung his legs over the side of his bed. An instant chill swept over his body, just as it did every morning. One of the downside's of having the small back bedroom. He could hear the sound of banging in the kitchen. Frankie was up. No doubt making pancakes for Jack. Just as she did every morning. And then she'd pour maple syrup over the top and carry it, on a tray, back into the bedroom she slept in. With the one person she truly loved. Because she'd found him. She'd found that person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with and she'd held onto him with both hands and not let go. That was where Craig had gone wrong. He'd allowed his one true love to disappear from his life. Because he thought it was for the best, For both of them. Well, he'd been proved wrong.

He finally dragged himself into the kitchen. Now fully clothed, he poured himself a bowl of Bongo Flakes, failing to notice when the milk he was pouring spilled over onto the table. 'Oh shit!' he snapped as he realised he'd caused a puddle of milk. He grabbed a tea towel from by the sink and began to mop up his mess. Something he'd become and expert at.

Walking to school that morning took something of an effort. His body felt weak and tired, as if he hadn't slept in weeks. Which wasn't entirely true. He'd managed to get an hour last night. His feet dragged behind him, and his rucksack felt like a ton of bricks on his back. 

He stopped suddenly at the sight of the familiar face stood by the school gates. He felt a tug at his heart, just like he had done most times he'd saw him. _stop it_ he silently chastised himself. _Now is not the time. Or place._ He took a deep breath, knowing he had to get it over with. Suddenly he felt his feet rush furiously. Past everyone. Past him. 

--- 

_English_ John-Paul cursed. His least favourite lesson of the day. Not because he didn't like the actual lesson, but because _he_ was in the same class. Worst still, John-Paul sat in front of him. _oh well._ he thought. _I should be used to it by now. 7 weeks later._

Half and hour passed, and there was still no sign. John-Paul felt a wave of panic. What is he was sick? Or badly hurt? 

Right on cue, he walked in. John-Paul stared at him for a few seconds. Wondering how, in all the time passed, he scould still find him so beautiful. He held his breath as he walked towards him. Next to him. Past him. And seated himself on the chair behind him. 'Awwww' he could hear Sonny Valentine's mock tone. 'You not gonna sit with your boyfriend?' 

Craig rolled his eyes. He'd gotten used to it by now. 'Shut it Sonny' Craig heard Sarah's voice from teh table across from him. He smiled at her gratefully. He loved how she still managed to stick up for him after what he'd done to her. 

It was at that moment, the teacher walked in. 'Settle down!' she ordered. The classroom went silent, and the students prepared themselves for 45 minutes of pure boredom. 

--- 

3:25pm. John-Paul began packing his equipment away. Satisfied, he flung his bag over his shoulder. And exited the classroom the second the bell had rung. 

'Have a good day?' John-Paul swung around. 'Spike!' he felt his heart jump leaps. Spike smiled. 'Thought I'd surprise you. Walk you home' 

John-Paul looked uneasy for a minute. 'Don't worry' Spike laughed. 'I wont hold your hand' 

John-Paul smiled gratefully. It wasn't that he was ashamed of Spike, it was that he still hadn't gotten used to being someone else. To being gay. 'Have they eased off yet?' Spike asked, glancing over at where Sonny and his gang were staring at them. John-Paul shook his head and then shrugged his shoulders. 'No. I don't care though. I feel so much better and more confident now it's out in the open' It was a lie, but he couldn't tell Spike that. 

'How about I take you out for dinner?' Spike smiled. John-Paul raised an eyebrow. 'You're not gonna suggest _The Dog_ or _Gnosh_ are you?' 

Spike rolled his eyes. 'I'm not stupid!' he laughed, playfully hitting John-Paul in the side. 

-- 

Craig watched them carefully. The way they stood laughing and joking with one another. It was pretty obvious they were seeing each other. But why did it bother him so much? He felt a pang of jealousy as he watched them walk side by side out of the school grounds. His eyes lingering on them for a few seconds. 

He hated himself for letting John-Paul go. For not telling him how he _really_ felt. He wanted to tell him the truth. Hell, he almost had done. He'd come so close so many times, but backed out at the last minute. Because he was a coward. 

And now it was too late. Because John-Paul - _Shit_ - John-Paul had moved on. Without _him_. 

And, when he was certain John-Paul and Spike were out of view, he began walking home. And, because he knew it would hurt him too much, he didn't look back.


End file.
